I Have Decided to Become a Professional Painter Person

I have decided to become a professional painter person.

Now, before anyone asks, yes, I am aware there is probably an actual word for that. Artist? Painter? Professional creative? Person who accidentally gets paint on every shirt they own?

Whatever the title is, that’s me now.

I made this decision after realizing two things:

I enjoy painting.
I enjoy having money.

The second one is especially important because apparently Disney vacations continue to insist on being expensive.

Now, some of you may be wondering if I have any professional experience.

The answer is yes.

I sold a painting once.

The follow-up question is usually, “When?”

Middle school.

Look, let’s not get bogged down in details.

A sale is a sale.

So after carefully reviewing my qualifications—which consisted mainly of that one middle-school sale and an unhealthy amount of confidence—I decided it was time to take this seriously.

I have completely rearranged my schedule so that for roughly two hours every day I am either painting or sketching.

This is important because currently I am pretending it is my job.

The theory is that if I act like a professional artist long enough, eventually I might accidentally become one.

This strategy has worked for approximately every toddler I’ve ever met.

“I am a dinosaur.”

No, sweetie, you’re not.

Five minutes later they’re roaring, running around the house, and somehow everyone agrees they’re a dinosaur now.

That’s basically my business plan.

Rawr.

I am an artist.

Currently I am working on my very first painting intended to be sold to an actual human being.

The subject matter for my paintings has been selected by the most demanding art directors imaginable:

My children.

My daughter chose the first painting.

I found a photograph on Instagram of an incredibly colorful dog, and she immediately decided that what the world truly needed was a colorful dog chibi painting.

Honestly, she might be right.

The dog looks like it lost a fight with a rainbow and somehow won.

My next painting was commissioned by my five-year-old son.

By commissioned, I mean he walked into the room and announced, “You should paint an X-wing in battle.”

And because he currently lives, breathes, and probably dreams in Star Wars, I accepted the assignment.

So my future art portfolio is shaping up to include:

• Rainbow dog chibi.
• X-wing battle scene.
• Whatever random obsession my children develop next.

At this rate I expect my artistic journey to eventually include monster trucks, dragons, sharks wearing sunglasses, and possibly a watercolor tribute to chicken nuggets.

Honestly?

I’d buy that.

Will this become a successful business?

I have absolutely no idea.

Will I continue spending two hours a day painting and sketching anyway?

Absolutely.

Because even if it takes a while to sell paintings, I’ve discovered something important.

For two hours every day, I get to make something.

Not laundry.

Not dinner.

Not a grocery list.

Not a reminder that someone needs more socks.

Just art.

And if that eventually turns into vacation money, that’s even better.

So here’s to becoming a professional painter person.

Or artist.

See? I remembered the word.

I think.

Current Project Update

This week I’m working on a colorful chibi dog painting inspired by a photo I found on Instagram and immediately approved by my daughter, who apparently now serves as my Creative Director.

The painting is currently in the “trust the process” stage, which is artist language for “it looks weird, but I’m hoping it’ll get better.”

Up next is an X-wing battle scene requested by my five-year-old son, who believes every art portfolio should contain at least one spaceship.